No Fats Or Femmes: A Gay Culture At War With Itself
by Jeremy Gloff
It has always bothered me how mean we are to each other, but I
didn’t realize quite how much until recently. In Florida, where I
live, 62% of the voters passed Amendment
Two. It was disheartening to me that 62% of the state that I live
in does not think I should have equal rights. Even more disturbing is
on election night, after hearing the amendment passed, I logged into
the gay chat rooms and browsed over the internet personal ads full of
negative messages. As much as the majority of the general public may
think unfavorably of us, it seems even more so we think unfavorably of
each other. IT HAS GOT TO STOP. It broke my heart to see the majority of my peers were filling
their limited profile space not with what they were looking for in a
partner, but instead what they were NOT looking for. Being a 33 year
old gay male, I can feel the negativity at clubs as well as online. It
may be my own insecurities, but whenever I am around a lot of
attractive men I feel like the nerdy kid in gym class. The weirdo. The
one that people pass over when picking their team. And I’m not
even a fat or a femme! Now, more than ever, the gay culture needs to get together and
start loving and respecting each other. The language we use to dismiss
and degrade one another needs to be banished and discouraged. We need
to stop using terms like fats, femmes, twinks, and trolls. We need to
get together. We need to accept, love, and develop friendships with
each other. If the gay community could get its act together and stop
being so segregated, imagine the statement that could be made
nationally! It is important for us to stop using the language we are using.
We must stop dehumanizing people because they don’t go to the gym
five days a week. Stop thinking so negatively of feminine behavior.
Let’s embrace and celebrate both the feminine and masculine sides
of ourselves. I see so many of my gay male peers trying ever so hard to
prove their masculinity to both themselves and their perspective
partners. Why is machismo so celebratory? I feel it goes back to our
culture’s subtle sexist view of females. It seems that to be gay
and feminine is frowned upon. The basis of most gay-themed jokes has
its character engaging in feminine behavior. Why is it funny for a man
to have stereotypically feminine characteristics? So what? In the year
2008 why are we still creating such a narrow set of behavioral
expectations? Not only does the heterosexual public seem to look negatively
on a lot of stereotypically gay behavior, we do so amongst ourselves.
Why all this effort to appear “not gay”? Why the obsession
with being a “jock” or “stud” or
“straight acting”? Let’s celebrate our own nuances
and love the variety within ourselves. Can we do it or are we going to
hate and degrade anyone who is not 6’1” and one 145 pounds
with blonde hair? This is my call for all fellow gay people to stop being at odds
with each other. WE NEED TO ACCEPT AND LOVE EACH OTHER FOR WHO WE ALL
ARE. Let’s quit excluding and degrading each other. I want the
country to accept us, but before that, I want us to accept ourselves.
Fat, thin, black, white, masculine, feminine. We must all be one, now
more than ever.
Of the fifty ads I browsed, over 80% contained a negative message. Some
examples: