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-appeared in OMG! Magazine Volume 2 Issue 15
-July 28 2010

There is no sex tape lurking in Katy Perry’s closet. There were no nude photo sessions or illegitimate children propelling Perry to the tabloid covers. One is very unlikely to ever find Katy Perry with coke dripping from her nose or even passed out drunk on Hollywood Boulevard. But Katy Perry does indeed have a skeleton hidden deep in her closet. Perry’s past was fueled by neither sex, drugs, or rock and roll. My dear friends, years before Katy Perry was your saucy ringtone she was a Contemporary Christian recording artist.

It is curious to consider an artist’s metamorphosis from Christian crooner to California Gurl. The opening lines of Perry’s Christian debut album finds the artist pondering the universe with the depth and grace of high school poets everywhere:

“How could I see you when I was so blind?
How could I grasp you when I was far behind?
How could I hear you when I was so deaf?
How could I get up when I had been left?”

Move over Plato.

During the album’s second track Perry (then known as Katy Hudson) pleads “Lord help me see the reality that all I’ll ever need is you.”

Sorry Lord but it appears that our beloved Katy did indeed need more than just you. A hit singing career to be exact.

With her latest track “California Gurls” Katy Perry’s long hard journey from the church to the gay club is finally complete. With its oh-so-fun video and the obligatory guest rap from Snoop Dogg, “California Gurls” froths at the mouth with pop deliciousness. In the ten years since she released her religious album Perry has had time to hone her God-given lyrical gift. Here’s a passage from “California Gurls” as evidence:

“California girls we’re unforgettable
Daisy Dukes bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin so hot
We’ll melt your Popsicle”

Move over Dylan.

It is undeniable that Katy Perry is releasing some of the most infectious pop songs of today. With her blue wig and grandiose smile no one seems to be enjoying the moment more than Miss Perry herself. But one has to wonder had Katy Perry hit the commercial jackpot with her Christian recordings would she still be trolling around in a cupcake bra? I can’t help but wonder which version of Katy Perry is the real deal?