THE STORY: One
of my Arby’s managers was a gruff disciplinarian named
Alice. Beneath her frigid and stony exterior lurked a guarded and
friendly woman. And so I wrote this comedy about seducing her in
the Arby’s beef cooler… THE LYRICS:
Working on the fryer
Working $4.25
Someday I might retire
When I make up to five
I don’t live for potatoes
I can do without beef
There’s one thing that I need
And that’s Alice
She must have been a nerd in high school
Cause now she’s a bitch
But she’s my manager
So I have to take her shit
I like her round bottom
In the polyester wear
Come in and see me stare
At my Alice
She plays piano just like I do
She reminds me of my prom date
If only she wasn’t so old
Then I would be bolder, faster
I’d say “hey Alice
Do you wanna go back to the cooler…”
My friends think I’m lying
They think it’s all a game
They know that Alice don’t like me
They know she don’t feel the same
Mary and Theresa got husbands
And Tina’s got a boyfriend
But none of them are the same as my Alice
She hates people just like I do
She reminds me of my prom date
If only she wasn’t so cold
Then I would be bolder, faster
I’d say “Hey Alice
Do you wanna get some beef in the cooler”
